This is not a list of 2019 resolutions because, well…vomit.
Resolutions, like the embers of a dying New Years Eve fire or the shibboleth of Insta quotes, grow quickly cold, dark, and quite frankly, pointless.
What exactly does a worked over and detailed to-do list written neatly out on the first day of the calendar year really do for me (or anyone else)?
A bit of clarity? Likely.
A sense of hopefulness and positive-new-year vibes? Sure.
An unbalanced relationship between accomplishments and worth? Inevitably.
A reduction of the wild and varied nature of life into a list of things to own and consume and “do”? Ugh. Yes. A thousand times, yes.
This, my good woman and man, is no resolution or to-do list. It is rather the physical manifestation of the blueprint of my soul in tiny sans-serif rows.
It is the invisible (now ironically visibly itemized) map that guides the waking steps of my living years and (what I most longingly hope) will be remembered most vividly of me when I am gone.
1. ABOVE ALL ELSE, LOVE.
I want to arrange the tiny minutes that make up the long years of my life to happily know and grow alongside, and love (in the way they experience and receive love), and live presently amongst the diversely gorgeous souls God has entrusted to my sacred sanctuary of family.
May my clumsy love not belie your precious souls – I’d give it all for you.
I want long-sewn and budding friendships alike to grasp that they are my chosen family (although I suspect conscious choice has little to do with our being friends, really).
With every sunken bowl of a cup of tea drained over conversation and dreams, I will know and be known by these humans.
I do and will dearly love the imperfect and timeless community of those who’ve known God and keep their hearts swung open to the mystery of faith.
2. CREATE BEAUTIFUL THINGS.
I will align my best thinking and dreaming and working and playing to create beautiful things – pulling form and contour and substance from the unseen into the physicality and light of this world.
- Imagination to formation.
- Dream to tangible, squeezable, moldable thing.
- Thought to line of action.
- Breath to resonating carol.
I will attune my heart’s ear to the susurrations of innovation.
I will allow the tumultuous currents of the process to envelop me, and come hell and high-water, I will learn to lay down in the goddam boat.
As a created creature, limited in vision and capacity, I will draw from the source, that audacious and generous Spirit.
I will relax into and patiently engage my whole person in the struggle of creating – one foot in front of the other. Bambi on ice today. Michelle Kwan, tomorrow.
I will dip my quill into the still, black well of possibility and strike bold and imperfect marks until the awkward strokes flow smoothly.
I will consummately f*ck this up. And I will try again.
3. TELL STORIES THAT MATTER.
Not all words are created equal. And not all words create equality or create anything at all, for that matter.
I shall diligently learn as many words in the language of love and true equality, and dedicate my life to speaking it in every conversation.
I shall seek out the material for stories that matter from the cob-webbed corners of neglected responsibilities to our fellow fellows. The inconvenient and slow-churned kind.
I will build bridges, otherwise impossible, with bricks of symbol and metaphor.
The ivy of my prose will grow thick on stagnant walls of oppressive ideas.
I will call out the naked king and his cowering subjects, and invite these stories to expose my own blindness and fear.
And as a sum greater than its parts – as these words bind mystically forming stories from commas and participles – let them bond one soul to her brother’s and one hundred thousand souls to their neighbors’ and earth.
4. LEARN EVERY DAY.
I will cultivate wonder.
I will daily till the vast fields in my imagination into expectant rows set for new ideas and visions and transplanted bulbs of knowledge.
I will listen carefully to those on my path, especially to the ones who’ve already walked much of this road and the tiny sparks fresh from God, unspoiled and dreamy.
5. EXPLORE. EXPLORE. EXPLORE.
I will run down every overgrown woodland path simply to stoke the fire of curiosity.
With the best parts of my heart, I will seek out virgin paradises NOT to consume beauty but to be consumed by Mother Earth.
I will submerge my senses in tastes and sounds and textures unknown in my world and celebrate the tension of discovery.
I will seek to understand, learn, experience before I speak, decide, judge.
I will let my heart long for adventure when my feet are safely on the warm hearth at home and ache for home when I sleep beneath foreign stars.
6. SAVOR ALL THINGS.
I will remember that our lives here are but a breath, and our dreams even less enduring.
Through presence of mind and heart, I will slow down the hands of time to savor the important and mundane moments of life – like rolling hot cocoa over my tongue on a wintery walk.
I will notice and treasure the warmth of his palm pressed to mine, of the sparkle of mischief in her eye when we’re playing pirates and explorers on the playground, the swirling steam of a new day’s cuppa, the exhilarating buzz of a full-breathed note.
I will squeeze all of these moments for as long as I can and (maybe just a second more) until they are held in the fond suspension of memory.
I will slow down. I will notice. I will savor.
FOR THIS MOMENT AND ALL DAYS.
Give me life in fistfuls.
Give me oceans of dreams and sails to traverse them.
Give me nothing if I take even a second for granted.
But if I can savor and dream and leap without the promise of a net…
give me life in untamed fistfuls.
This…for 2019 and for all the measured seconds, hours, and years of my life.
What is the blueprint of your soul?
Are your task lists and resolutions drawn from your deeper values…why or why not?
Comment below or private message me – I’d love to hear from you.